Damn...I never thought that this was possible...but, this morning, I opened my laptop and realized that my baby is covered in a layer of dust!!! CELAKA...sebab dah 1 week I left my laptop on the table...AND NOT USING IT!!!
"Ala cayang bucuk2...kecian dia..berhabuk. Meh sini...abang bersihkan.." I told my laptop. =_=' Imagine what I will tell my wife if I didn't see her for one week...haha..
Anyway, it'd been really some time since I updated this account with a new post. And since today is Wednesday, I think it would be a pretty good day because it'd been a week, 1 WEEK SINCE I PASSED MY BLOODY JPJ TEST!!! Woohoo...I can legitimately run over a person after this!! haha... And I wanna give a tribute towards the coolest JPJ dude, EVER!!!
To be frank, I was quite paranoid...and of course traumatised by the event I suffered 1 month ago. So, for precautionary steps, I made sure that I will not play any bloody futsal that morning with any bloody friends, in particular a guy named Ihsan Aminuddin. I also made sure that I checked the bloody blue paper thingy that I received the time period that I'll be taking my test.
BUT SHIT!!! The thing is not at the Mazris HQ, it's at the Cemerlang Driving Centre. So, even though my session is either on the morning of evening, it doesn't matter as THE BLOODY BLUE PAPER IS AT THE DRIVING CENTRE!!! So, I called up Raja to ask whether he can check if my session is in the morning or evening. He said he already tried and the people there gave him no conclusive answers but I do think that he simply didn't give a damn...haha.
Anyway, on the way there, memang cuak giler!!! Time naik motor, bawak 40-50 jer...haha.
On the way, I was pretty focused on the road as the last time I passed through here en-route to the examination, right in front of my own eyes, I saw a monitor lizard being ran over by a freaking car!!! You can call me superstitious or any other thing but I do thing that that sign last month, was an early indication of what bad luck I will go through through out the day. At that particular moment, I thought it was cool to see a living creation of God being mercilessly had it's brain and intestine splattered all over the road but now, thinking back, lizard brain isn't so cool after all.. =_=' Seriously, who wouldn't right?
And furthermore, I was wishing like crazy so that I woulnd't come across other people being involved in an accident as I saw one, with Zafril Amzar, last month, together, as we were riding on my bike to the driving centre. See how pathetic and irrational I'd been? =_=' Sumpah kalo House tau, memang kene sarcasm macam celaka....
Anyway, I didn't came across all those omens and arrived at the Cemerlang Driving Centre with a huge sigh of relieve...haha. Upon arriving there, I went straight into the office and to my satisfaction and happiness, my test is during the morning session and I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
After that, I met up with Raja and together we queued up along with 50+ other hopefulls. We were talking and suddenly, I saw this unmistakable physique of two chinese niggers with mp5s on their hands...haha. No la, it was Brian and Alex and today too was their Day of Judgement on their quest of obtaining that illusive P sticker on every deserving car...haha..
So, macam biasa la. Dah jumpa Brian, I pun tergelak2 la ngan dia pasal bende2 bodoh... =_=' And Alex tu, always with SUK ANN!!! SA, SA, SA, SA....STEALH ASSASSIN! haha. So, after getting our numbers, we waited by the next hut near the exam site to kill time, wait for our turn, and of course, LAUGH AT THE DEMISE, HUMILIATION, HATRED, DISAPPOINMENT AND UTTER
DESTRUCTON AND ANNIHILATION OF OTHERS!!!! HAHAHAHA...
So, sampai turn Raja, memang cuak giler babi ar muka dia..tapi nak control gak...haha.
"Raja, kerrggghhhh....kerrggghhh!" I blurted out a sound resembling a car having troubles changing gears trying to scare him... But unfortunately, I also got the unexpected attention of others that were in their car...and they all were quite annoyed...haha.. Anyway, Raja passed, DAMN, and when he got off that car, his smile was soooooooo bloody wide sampai ada nampak sikit2 cam Joker..cis..
So, it's my turn now. I must admit that I was a little bit nervous BUT!!! I will not let this be another dark day for me where I eventually be left disappointed, ankle twisted, and bruised from a motorcycle accident!!!
So, ni la dia... Kete kancil lakhnat tu... Imagine how much suffering I need
to go through just to go through those doors...haha.. Anyway, ni gambar internet...but you guys get my point right? Kete ni terenjut satu side babe bila I masuk!!! haha...
Slowly...yet surely...before entering the car...I was imagining things...I was seeing things...things that reminded me of heaven...things that made my stomach all funny inside...
After that, this...
Oh my God...this...
"Yes baby...let me hold you tight... We're gonna make sweet love tonight..." I blurted out to the car while I slowly slided myself into it... I felt the seat slowly rubbed against my butt and I must admit, that I was somehow aroused...haha.. =_='
FYI: This is my dream car... The Toyota Sprinter Trueno...yes...it is. Not the one merged with the bloody Kancil... Just ask anyone who had battled me in Battle Gear 3 and they will all say: NEVER MESS WITH HIS WIFE MAN!!!
"Oh come on sweetheart...I'd been loyal to you all week... Don't do this to me...you know you love me..." I slowly voiced out these few words as I put my left leg on the clutch and realised that it was pretty loose. Because I don't wanna take any risk, I decided to take off my shoes as I will directly feel the clutch under my feet...
"Bro...your turn now.." An old man gave me the signal.
"Yes babe, I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABY!!!" I gave a little shout before I start climbing that bloody hill... Masih segar di dalam ingatan akan bagaimanakah saya boleh terlupa untuk tekan break semasa berada di atas bukit itu satu bulan yang lepas... =_=' haha...
With that little war-cry, I slowly released the clutch and push on the throttle. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 and finally I realised that I was finally on the BLOODY HILL!!! I gave a little smirk, apparently to no one, and pulled on the handbrake... =_=' Gosh I was really milking the moment pretty good wasn't I...haha..
The jpj dude asked my number and I told him my number. He finally gave me the signal that I can move down the hill and at that particular moment, I swear to God that my body went numb. But don't know why, the car suddenly shook violently and that snapped me out of my numbness.
"Sweetheart....I love you!!!" I blurted out after I quickly put my leg onto the the clutch moments before the engine could give up on me.
"I swear to God, I'm gonna make you cry TONIGHT!!!" I voiced it out slowly, again, apparently to no one, =_=' as I realised that somehow, beneath my current level of deduction at that particular time, the car somehow came to life and saved me from utter annihilation and humiliation...haha...
"Yeah baby!!! Yeah!!! Work it girl!!! WORK IT!!!" I blurted out, apparently again to no one while smacking the steering wheel as I finish the 3-point turn after finishing the parking test without even breaking a sweat... Nasib baek kete ni bukan pompuan...kalo x...haha..
I stopped onto the spot I got in before to get off the car after I finished my first level of trial in today's Day of Judgement.
"I will forever be yours Rose..." I put both of my index and middle finger onto my lips before putting it onto the steering wheel as a sign of gratitude and affection I had towards the car. And apparently, I was caught in the moment of where I will forever leave my sweetheart forever after all the things that she had done to me. And apparently, my mind choosen the name Rose out of the Titanic movie... =_=' See how pathetic I am at that particular time? haha...
With me passing the first level of judgement quite easily, I took a breather with Brian, Alex, and Raja, to regain all my composure in order to face the final judgement on whether I deserve that coveted P sticker on my car or not. Again we laughed aimlessly to kill time. And yeah, we talked about DOTA...haha... Brian...NERD!!!!
So, around 11.30, after gaining my brief moment of rest, I made my way to the other hut where I will make sure that this will be the final time I put my foot on this cursed land!!! I sat down, waiting for my turn along with others. The bloody part is that almost most of them got friends to talk to while I was sitting there, all alone...poor me..haha..
"51?" A lady yelled out my number. I raised my hand and went towards the designated car.
Ain't no mountain high enough,
Ain't no valley low enough,
Ain't no river wild enough,
To keep me away from you babe.
Somehow, Diana Ross's Ain't No Mountain High Enough kept on ringing in my head as I make my way onto the car. The Hollywood effects just won't stop, wouldn't it? haha...
"Abende ni...pakai headphone dengar lagu bawak kete ni... Aduh..." Those were the words blurted out by the JPJ dude as I first entered the car.
"Pedih...pedih...celaka!!!" I told myself as only now I realised, the Diana Ross song that kept ringing in my head, is due to me hearing it with my freaking headphones...without me noticing it!!! CELAKA!!!
"Meh sini bagi bende tu... Sape ajar ko leh buat bende camni... Aduh..." Those penetrating words further dampened my spirits even before the bloody thing even started. I gave him the whole thing and he put them onto his lap.
"Dah, dah...pakai seat belt, kita start sekarang.." He gave me the signal that I should start the test. I managed to finish my routine 5-point check of the car before starting the engine. I gave the signal to the right and both of us took off.
When we reached the first stop sign, he began to take a look at my phone and plucked out the earphones. I slowly took my time to reach that big hill out of Cemerlang when he suddenly asked: " Ni camne nak pasang ni...handphone ni. Nak dengar lagu jap.."
My first reaction was to help him but suddenly I remember my uncle telling me that these JPJ dudes love to play tricks on us.
"Erm...ni tengah bawak kete ni... Mane leh tolong..." I replied.
"Alahai...lek ar... Tak kan nak dengar lagu pun x leh..."
"Nanti fail x ni..."
"Orang nanti dengar radio gak kalo dah pass...fail abendenyer..."
Don't know why, without even thinking of it, I showed him how to operate my phone so that he can play the songs I got.
"Giler ar...BEAT IT SIOT!!!" The JPJ dude, who's name was Ali something blurted out, apparently in excitement as he sang verses from the song.
"Beat it....beat it...ta ra ra ta da ta da daa" Was what I managed to understand from his mumbo-jumbo.
"Beat it...beat it...show em how te de..tong is your fight..it te de mate whos rong or right.." Was what I managed to comprehend from his take on one of history's greates song. haha...
"Meh ar dik...join ar sekali..nyanyi..."
I was like..."What the fuck? Is this dude serious?"
"Ok dik, tukar lagu jap.....KU DIHALAMAN RINDU!!!!??? LAYAN!!!" He blurted out, again in sheer excitement and jubiliation...
" Ditengah kepekatan..malam. Berdiri aku dihalaman..rindu. Dihembus kenangan lalu...." I sang out, apparently a little bit slower than he is...and of course..a little less energy than he is...haha...
"Hamko hamise chura lo..." Suddenly, my phone...keluar that ringtone..signalling that I had received a message.
"Badan jer besar...minat HINDUSTAN!!! haha..." He joked. To be truthful, I was embarrassed, but x de la sampai bluching giler2... Tapi memang lakhnat...CELAKA HOTLINK!!!!
"Ku dihalaman rindu...HANYA BERTEMAN...BUNGA YANG LAYU!!!!" Kita terjerit-jerit before entering the final corner entering back Cemerlang. Actually, the JPJ dude was more into it than I was.
"Dah, dah.. Simpan cepat...x leh bagi orang laen nampak ni..." He changed his body position backwards and put my phone, along with my headphone at the back.
So, after stopping right besides the hut, he was doing his JPJ stuffs, writing stuffs and signing those forms before he asked me: "Nak fail ke lulus?"
I could only see my legs as I was afraid to answer that question. I don't know whether all those things were him acting and causing me to fail, again.
"Nasib baek x jawab. Banyak orang, diorang ingat aku ni maen-maen time test. Ramah ngan diorang, maen handphone diorang, nyanyi ngan diorang. Pastu, diorang lupa yang aku ni orang yang bagi markah diorang. Pastu leh lak diorang kurang ajar...cakap lulus ar...fail un leh gak.. Tapi ko bagus...ko x jawab...ko hormat aku..."The JPJ dude kept on talking while I kept my head low and crossing my fingers hoping for the best. Swear to God that I think the people outside must have thought that I was getting a lecture...
"Nah...ambik ni..." He handed out a piece of paper that I was so eagre and yet so afraid to see.
I was thunderstruck...and every single one of curses that I knew went rampaging through my mind. I passed...I BLOODY PASSED!!!!!!!!
"Terima kasih encik...saya akan ingat nasihat tu sampai bila2..." My words terus jadi skema...haha...
"Dah, dah...turun... Ada orang nak test lagi..."
I made myself out of the car and slowly digest the fact that I passed the test. I met Brian and after a few moment chilling out with him and telling him stuffs, I ride my bike back to Bangi while on the way, I kept on thinking about the stuffs that the JPJ dude, Ali said. To me, he deffinitely was a pretty interesting guy. The way he view the world, a little bit of House, a little bit of Cuddy, and a little bit of Wilson. haha...