Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Coolest JPJ dude, EVER!!!

Damn...I never thought that this was possible...but, this morning, I opened my laptop and realized that my baby is covered in a layer of dust!!! CELAKA...sebab dah 1 week I left my laptop on the table...AND NOT USING IT!!! 

"Ala cayang bucuk2...kecian dia..berhabuk. Meh sini...abang bersihkan.." I told my laptop. =_=' Imagine what I will tell my wife if I didn't see her for one week...haha..

Anyway, it'd been really some time since I updated this account with a new post. And since today is Wednesday, I think it would be a pretty good day because it'd been a week, 1 WEEK SINCE I PASSED MY BLOODY JPJ TEST!!! Woohoo...I can legitimately run over a person after this!! haha... And I wanna give a tribute towards the coolest JPJ dude, EVER!!!

To be frank, I was quite paranoid...and of course traumatised by the event I suffered 1 month ago. So, for precautionary steps, I made sure that I will not play any bloody futsal that morning with any bloody friends, in particular a guy named Ihsan Aminuddin. I also made sure that I checked the bloody blue paper thingy that I received the time period that I'll be taking my test. 

BUT SHIT!!! The thing is not at the Mazris HQ, it's at the Cemerlang Driving Centre. So, even though my session is either on the morning of evening, it doesn't matter as THE BLOODY BLUE PAPER IS AT THE DRIVING CENTRE!!! So, I called up Raja to ask whether he can check if my session is in the morning or evening. He said he already tried and the people there gave him no conclusive answers but I do think that he simply didn't give a damn...haha.

Kantoi Raja...

Anyway, on the way there, memang cuak giler!!! Time naik motor, bawak 40-50 jer...haha.

On the way, I was pretty focused on the road as the last time I passed through here en-route to the examination, right in front of my own eyes, I saw a monitor lizard being ran over by a freaking car!!! You can call me superstitious or any other thing but I do thing that that sign last month, was an early indication of what bad luck I will go through through out the day. At that particular moment, I thought it was cool to see a living creation of God being mercilessly had it's brain and intestine splattered all over the road but now, thinking back, lizard brain isn't so cool after all.. =_=' Seriously, who wouldn't right? 

And furthermore, I was wishing like crazy so that I woulnd't come across other people being involved in an accident as I saw one, with Zafril Amzar, last month, together, as we were riding on my bike to the driving centre. See how pathetic and irrational I'd been? =_=' Sumpah kalo House tau, memang kene sarcasm macam celaka....

Anyway, I didn't came across all those omens and arrived at the Cemerlang Driving Centre with a huge sigh of relieve...haha. Upon arriving there, I went straight into the office and to my satisfaction and happiness, my test is during the morning session and I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

After that, I met up with Raja and together we queued up along with 50+ other hopefulls. We were talking and suddenly, I saw this unmistakable physique of two chinese niggers with mp5s on their hands...haha. No la, it was Brian and Alex and today too was their Day of Judgement on their quest of obtaining that illusive P sticker on every deserving car...haha..

So, macam biasa la. Dah jumpa Brian, I pun tergelak2 la ngan dia pasal bende2 bodoh... =_=' And Alex tu, always with SUK ANN!!! SA, SA, SA, SA....STEALH ASSASSIN! haha. So, after getting our numbers, we waited by the next hut near the exam site to kill time, wait for our turn, and of course, LAUGH AT THE DEMISE, HUMILIATION, HATRED, DISAPPOINMENT AND UTTER

So, sampai turn Raja, memang cuak giler babi ar muka dia..tapi nak control gak...haha. 

"Raja, kerrggghhhh....kerrggghhh!" I blurted out a sound resembling a car having troubles changing gears trying to scare him... But unfortunately, I also got the unexpected attention of others that were in their car...and they all were quite annoyed...haha.. Anyway, Raja passed, DAMN, and when he got off that car, his smile was soooooooo bloody wide sampai ada nampak sikit2 cam Joker..cis..

So, it's my turn now. I must admit that I was a little bit nervous BUT!!! I will not let this be another dark day for me where I eventually be left disappointed, ankle twisted, and bruised from a motorcycle accident!!!

So, ni la dia... Kete kancil lakhnat tu... Imagine how much suffering I need 
to go through just to go through those doors...haha.. Anyway, ni gambar internet...but you guys get my point right? Kete ni terenjut satu side babe bila I masuk!!! haha...

Slowly...yet surely...before entering the car...I was imagining things...I was seeing things...things that reminded me of heaven...things that made my stomach all funny inside...

First this....

After that, this...


Oh my God...this...

And finally...THIS!!!!

"Yes baby...let me hold you tight... We're gonna make sweet love tonight..." I blurted out to the car while I slowly slided myself into it... I felt the seat slowly rubbed against my butt and I must admit, that I was somehow aroused...haha.. =_='

FYI: This is my dream car... The Toyota Sprinter is. Not the one merged with the bloody Kancil... Just ask anyone who had battled me in Battle Gear 3 and they will all say: NEVER MESS WITH HIS WIFE MAN!!!

"Oh come on sweetheart...I'd been loyal to you all week... Don't do this to know you love me..." I slowly voiced out these few words as I put my left leg on the clutch and realised that it was pretty loose. Because I don't wanna take any risk, I decided to take off my shoes as I will directly feel the clutch under my feet...

"Bro...your turn now.." An old man gave me the signal. 

"Yes babe, I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABY!!!" I gave a little shout before I start climbing that bloody hill... Masih segar di dalam ingatan akan bagaimanakah saya boleh terlupa untuk tekan break semasa berada di atas bukit itu satu bulan yang lepas... =_=' haha...

With that little war-cry, I slowly released the clutch and push on the throttle. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 and finally I realised that I was finally on the BLOODY HILL!!! I gave a little smirk, apparently to no one, and pulled on the handbrake... =_=' Gosh I was really milking the moment pretty good wasn't I...haha..

The jpj dude asked my number and I told him my number. He finally gave me the signal that I can move down the hill and at that particular moment, I swear to God that my body went numb. But don't know why, the car suddenly shook violently and that snapped me out of my numbness.

"Sweetheart....I love you!!!" I blurted out after I quickly put my leg onto the the clutch moments before the engine could give up on me.

"I swear to God, I'm gonna make you cry TONIGHT!!!" I voiced it out slowly, again, apparently to no one, =_=' as I realised that somehow, beneath my current level of deduction at that particular time, the car somehow came to life and saved me from utter annihilation and humiliation...haha...

"Yeah baby!!! Yeah!!! Work it girl!!! WORK IT!!!" I blurted out, apparently again to no one while smacking the steering wheel as I finish the 3-point turn after finishing the parking test without even breaking a sweat... Nasib baek kete ni bukan pompuan...kalo x...haha..

I stopped onto the spot I got in before to get off the car after I finished my first level of trial in today's Day of Judgement.

"I will forever be yours Rose..." I put both of my index and middle finger onto my lips before putting it onto the steering wheel as a sign of gratitude and affection I had towards the car. And apparently, I was caught in the moment of where I will forever leave my sweetheart forever after all the things that she had done to me. And apparently, my mind choosen the name Rose out of the Titanic movie... =_=' See how pathetic I am at that particular time? haha...

With me passing the first level of judgement quite easily, I took a breather with Brian, Alex, and Raja, to regain all my composure in order to face the final judgement on whether I deserve that coveted P sticker on my car or not. Again we laughed aimlessly to kill time. And yeah, we talked about DOTA...haha... Brian...NERD!!!!

So, around 11.30, after gaining my brief moment of rest, I made my way to the other hut where I will make sure that this will be the final time I put my foot on this cursed land!!! I sat down, waiting for my turn along with others. The bloody part is that almost most of them got friends to talk to while I was sitting there, all alone...poor me..haha.. 

"51?" A lady yelled out my number. I raised my hand and went towards the designated car. 

Ain't no mountain high enough,
Ain't no valley low enough,
Ain't no river wild enough,
To keep me away from you babe.

Somehow, Diana Ross's Ain't No Mountain High Enough kept on ringing in my head as I make my way onto the car.  The Hollywood effects just won't stop, wouldn't it? haha...

"Abende ni...pakai headphone dengar lagu bawak kete ni... Aduh..." Those were the words blurted out by the JPJ dude as I first entered the car. 

"Pedih...pedih...celaka!!!" I told myself as only now I realised, the Diana Ross song that kept ringing in my head, is due to me hearing it with my freaking headphones...without me noticing it!!! CELAKA!!!

"Meh sini bagi bende tu... Sape ajar ko  leh buat bende camni... Aduh..." Those penetrating words further dampened my spirits even before the bloody thing even started. I gave him the whole thing and he put them onto his lap.

"Dah, dah...pakai seat belt, kita start sekarang.." He gave me the signal that I should start the test. I managed to finish my routine 5-point check of the car before starting the engine. I gave the signal to the right and both of us took off. 

When we reached the first stop sign, he began to take a look at my phone and plucked out the earphones. I slowly took my time to reach that big hill out of Cemerlang when he suddenly asked: " Ni camne nak pasang ni...handphone ni. Nak dengar lagu jap.." 

My first reaction was to help him but suddenly I remember my uncle telling me that these JPJ dudes love to play tricks on us.

" tengah bawak kete ni... Mane leh tolong..." I replied.

"Alahai...lek ar... Tak kan nak dengar lagu pun x leh..."

"Nanti fail x ni..."

"Orang nanti dengar radio gak kalo dah abendenyer..."



Don't know why, without even thinking of it, I showed him how to operate my phone so that he can play the songs I got.

"Giler ar...BEAT IT SIOT!!!" The JPJ dude, who's name was Ali something blurted out, apparently in excitement as he sang verses from the song.

"Beat it....beat it...ta ra ra ta da ta da daa" Was what I managed to understand from his mumbo-jumbo.

"Beat it...beat em how te de..tong is your te de mate whos rong or right.." Was what I managed to comprehend from his take on one of history's greates song. haha...

"Meh ar dik...join ar sekali..nyanyi..."

I was like..."What the fuck? Is this dude serious?"

"Ok dik, tukar lagu jap.....KU DIHALAMAN RINDU!!!!??? LAYAN!!!" He blurted out, again in sheer excitement and jubiliation...

"JOIN AR!!!!"

" Ditengah kepekatan..malam. Berdiri aku dihalaman..rindu. Dihembus kenangan lalu...." I sang out, apparently a little bit slower than he is...and of course..a little less energy than he is...haha...

"Hamko hamise chura lo..." Suddenly, my phone...keluar that ringtone..signalling that I had received a message.

"Badan jer besar...minat HINDUSTAN!!! haha..." He joked. To be truthful, I was embarrassed, but x de la sampai bluching giler2... Tapi memang lakhnat...CELAKA HOTLINK!!!!

"Ku dihalaman rindu...HANYA BERTEMAN...BUNGA YANG LAYU!!!!" Kita terjerit-jerit before entering the final corner entering back Cemerlang. Actually, the JPJ dude was more into it than I was. 

"Dah, dah.. Simpan cepat...x leh bagi orang laen nampak ni..." He changed his body position backwards and put my phone, along with my headphone at the back.

So, after stopping right besides the hut, he was doing his JPJ stuffs, writing stuffs and signing those forms before he asked me: "Nak fail ke lulus?"

I could only see my legs as I was afraid to answer that question. I don't know whether all those things were him acting and causing me to fail, again. 

"Nasib baek x jawab. Banyak orang, diorang ingat aku ni maen-maen time test. Ramah ngan diorang, maen handphone diorang, nyanyi ngan diorang. Pastu, diorang lupa yang aku ni orang yang bagi markah diorang. Pastu leh lak diorang kurang ajar...cakap lulus un leh gak.. Tapi ko bagus...ko x jawab...ko hormat aku..."The JPJ dude kept on talking while I kept my head low and crossing my fingers hoping for the best. Swear to God that I think the people outside must have thought that I was getting a lecture...

"Nah...ambik ni..." He handed out a piece of paper that I was so eagre and yet so afraid to see.



I was thunderstruck...and every single one of curses that I knew went rampaging through my mind. I passed...I BLOODY PASSED!!!!!!!!

"Terima kasih encik...saya akan ingat nasihat tu sampai bila2..." My words terus jadi skema...haha...

"Dah, dah...turun... Ada orang nak test lagi..."

I made myself out of the car and slowly digest the fact that I passed the test. I met Brian and after a few moment chilling out with him and telling him stuffs, I ride my bike back to Bangi while on the way, I kept on thinking about the stuffs that the JPJ dude, Ali said. To me, he deffinitely was a pretty interesting guy. The way he view the world, a little bit of House, a little bit of Cuddy, and a little bit of Wilson. haha...

Anyway, so there you have it ladies and gentlemen, my first ever 7th blog entry in my life is finished. And it'll be one of those that I can't never forget...haha... And sorry kalo terlalu panjang...tiba2 ilham datang mencurah-curah...haha..

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Ken Follet, Daytona USA, Bowling, Dr. Manhattan and a cheesecake.

Hahaha...I'm not exaggerating things when I say that I really forgotten that it was really my birthday. Not until Amir Fitri gave me a message that is. So, I'll give you guys a rundown on what I did that day. Oh, and I am so sorry for not writing more because I'm really busy these days...

Anyway, I'd been at Kluang since the day before and yes, I can speak a lil bit of Javanese... Wes mangan ye pak? haha..

So, the day started pretty much like the same. I was thinking that it was probably 10 or 11 of March...see how pathetic I am? I lost track of 4 days of my life... =_=' haha... Anyway, I woke up around 10 or 11 as I slept at 3 last night...reading a particular Ken Follet novel titled Pillars of The Earth until I lost the track of time. But anything to escape the pain of watching Akademi Fantasia with my grandma and other cousins...

So, after I took my bath, I pun selamba jer la sembahyang Subuh at around 11.30. It was lucky that my grandfather wasn't there as he will, like all good grandfathers do, give their grandkids a 30 minute lecture on things that I done wrong, and of course life...haha. After watching Dirty Jobs at Discovery, I was starting to get bored so I decided to take the 135 LC that my grandma have, and mines only a 125 WAVE =_=' , to go to town to kill time. 

To be frank, Kluang ni bukan kampung abis... Here got around 3 pretty decent shopping complex and Bangi have only 1...or is it 2...maybe it's also 3.. Anyway, due to having to much time and a tank full of gas, I decided to go around these 3 shopping complex and see what's people in Kluang do in their spare time. 

Tapi memang celaka la tempat2 dia...BORING!!!! Got this arcade, but semua game budak2!!! Boleh ke diorang letak Battle Gear 2 jer...kan lakhnat tu nama nyer... And then Daytona, I swear to God that I almost burn the bloody place down to the ground. I pilih manual, and then after that turn where I changed gears, the whole thing went auto... =_=' And I was racing with these few girls, quite cute, so I pun decided not to get beaten. BUT SUMPAH SIALAN BENDE TU, and of course those 3 girls like team up and ran my car through the wall...4 kali lak tu... =_=' Don't know what to say...and with my car looking like hell, I pun pandang dia, admit defeat, and senyum... The girls, all Malays, pun pandang la balik gelak2... I then quickly draw myself out from that place...thank God no one was around...especially dak2 BATTLE GEAR BANGI...haha..

After that, I went to the bowling alley in one of the shopping complex. Thanks to Amirul, who had taught me the art of bending that bowling ball, I must say that it had now become quite an obsession...tapi ada gak masuk longkang...haha.. But I must say that the bowling alley was quite a disappointment. Got only 18 lanes...and the balls, I think was second hand balls... Memang celaka.. And those three holes inside the balls, was like too small... Seriously, hampir tercabut JARI I!!! So I played 2 games...scored 70 and 89 for each game...hahaha..memang noob. But one accident that caught my eyes, and one I wanna share with you guys, is this girl...probably 20 something...pakai punye ketat....badan kira ok la...not to slim, no extra baggage. And kawan2 dia semua lebih kurang pakaian diorang...don't know who they wanna impress because those who are bowling at that time were family men and old people...

So, the girl that I was paying attention to, probably the one with the tightest jeans and shirt were about to throw her ball. I was only expecting to see how good she was with the pins but I think I saw something more. As she was waving her hand back to gain momentum with the ball, at that pinacle final moment, at the point where her right hand was at about her shoulder height and the bowling ball could possiblly be jam packed with the most amount of potential energy, my eyes suddenly caught sight onto a small thing that popped out around her right chest. With moments before she brought the ball down on the lane, I sharpen my view, focused my eye sight onto something that I was sure but not 100%. Eventually, I know that I don't have double vision and came to a conclusion that what I saw, was what some of us boys from JESS called....50 cent. 

I will be frank that I was a little bit aroused by that so I paced my bowling time so that when it was time for me to go back to my seat, I will be facing up to that girl who will just about to throw  the bowling ball in order to see the 50 cent again...haha... The second time was also a successful one as when I was pacing my steps back to my seat, she was in a position where her right hand was  at around her shoulder height and THAT thing popped out...again. I must say that I was somehow happy, relieved, and horny there. So, I sat on my seat while trying to accept the data coming from my eyes on the fact that I JUST SAW A WOMAN'S NIPPLE FOR GOD SAKE!!! After some while, I accepted it while think that it was my luck...

"Dah dia nak tunjuk...layan jer la.." I told myself...

Not only that, while I was siting, it was her turn again to throw the ball and suddenly, this bloody, crazy idea came into by retarded mind to see whether the girl was wearing anything under that tight jeans or not as to her being naked under the tight t-shirt up north. 

"Tolonglah...tolong la..." I wished when she was about to run down the lane, stretching her legs while releasing the bowling ball in her right hand in order to expose the outline of whatever she's wearing underneath that tight jeans of hers. I  readjusted my view, focusing 200% on her butt, =_=' yes, butt, in order to satisfy my curiosity on whether the girl was wearing anything underneath that tight jeans of hers. 

After that throw of hers, I took my sight away from her arse so that she wouldn't know that I was watching her...pathetic..=_=' While she was siting, I thought that I saw nothing that was being shown that resembles the outline of her underwear underneath that jeans of hers while she was stretching to her legs to throw the bowling ball. With that fact in mind, the first thing that came rushing into my head was that she was wearing nothing down south..only a pair of jeans!!! I must admit that I was excited but to double check whether my eyes weren't deceiving me, I looked up on the screen and noticed that this next throw of hers, will be her last. And her name was T KA though.. So, I pun bersiap-sedia for a sight that I might never see again until I get married. 

She picked up her preferred bowling ball, which is purple in colour. I pun took out my handphone, konon2  nak message orang so that it won't be too bloody obvious that I was staring somone's butt to other people around there. She walked down the aisle, with her purple bowling ball on her chest. Two more steps from the platform and she released her right hand backwards while I was beaming with exictement. The final step and she brought her right hand forward, released the bowling ball, bringing her right leg behind her left's while stretching and tighting her ever tight jeans even more. My mouth were already watery while my eyes paid 500% concentration onto that part of hers that mant men found so fond off. That moment came and while my eyes were fixed onto that part of hers, I must come to a conclusion, before she changed her sight and looked back behind, under my own perfectly fine and normal sight and mind, THAT SHE WORE NOTHING UNDERNEATH THAT TIGHT JEANS OF HERS!!!!!

"Oh God, let it rain down on me now... Let water soak through that tight t-shirt of hears, let water run down her tight jeans and onto her feet...REVEALING EVERYTHING TO ME... Please God...I beg thee.." I told myself, hoping very hard that a miracle will happen, thus bringing me 10 seconds worth of happiness.

Eventually, there were no smoke so the sprinklers weren't turned on....what else would you think, PERVERT!!! =_=' haha... I was kinda disappointed but the fact that I saw something that most people, especially most men would never see in their lifetime until they get married, compensated more than enough to make my day. haha...

So, after that little 20 seconds of happiness, I made myself to the nearby cinema to watch a movie. I had choosen to watch Watchmen as from the internet reviews, they were saying good stuffs about it while my friends, said that they hated it. Don't know why but the cinema were like only occupied in the back two row only. I guess many preferred GENG rather than this. Finally when the movie started, I realised that the rating for this movie was 18PL. =_='

I expected a typical superhero movie with all those cool graphics and I wasn't disappointed. BUT!!!!! The thing that really shocked me were those ehem..ehem parts.. Silk Spectre and Dr. Manhattan ehem...ehem... Silk Spectre and Night Owl ehem..ehem...again.. WHAT A WHORE!!! haha... Time Dr. Manhattan tengah ehem..ehem tu yg paling celaka... And yang lakhnat nyer, I was sitting next to a woman...probably as old as me..maybe even older. Time ehem...ehem tu berlaku, I looked towards the woman next to me, rasa cam jangkal sikit. Boleh lak time tu, dia pun pandang gak kat I... I laughed a little and she laughed too... After that, I pun slowly yet surely cair ke seat I... Makin lama makin bawah...trying to hide this little sensation that was brewing like a thunder down south...haha... And memang terkejut I bila time first2 nampak whole body Dr. Manhattan. Camera rolling downwards and bila sampai part tu, censored...CENSORED!!! 

"BAPAK BESAR!!!!" someone shouted from somewhere in the cinema...haha...celaka...

And boleh lak time tengah tengok movie, time tengah layan, ada orang wish happy birthday. I think the first was Amir Fitri. After receving his message, I was like what the fuck? I checked the date on my phone, the date on my ticket when I finally realised that it was 15th of March, and it was my freaking birthday... Haha.. To be frank, I was shocked, happy, sad, and kinda feeling stupid for myself for forgetting such a day. But to me, as House used to say about birthdays...

"Birthdays, usually I wear a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the Earth managed to circle the Sun one more time. Thought that we wouldn't make it though but damn it if it weren't for those little planets...."

Anyway, bila dah tau, memang kinda sad because no one celebrated with me...sorang2 maen bowling...nampak nipple orang...haha... And when I reached home, the family there bought a cheese cake for me. I was shocked, but only little because I don't wanna over do it... Tapi memang satu, beli cheese cake only one..mana cukup!!!! haha...

Anyway, so there you have it ladies and gentlemen, my first ever 6th blog entry in my life is finished. And it'll be one of those that I can't never forget...haha...