This past 5 years in my life....

So, without me noticing, I'd been in college for like 3 months now. And hell yeah, I'm 18 now...haha.

To those asking whether it's good or not, bloody stop it. I'd only been in this bloody surrounding for only 3 months, you want me to compare it with 11 schooling years? haha...

Anyway, since this past few months, many things had happened to me; many interesting things, many pathetic things, many fun things, many lame things and so on. I must admit that I found it pretty hard to adjust myself to my new surroundings, especially financially...(damn it). But seriously, after I watched this particular movie, Rocky Balboa, this special quote managed to somehow pull my spirits back up..

ROCKY BALBOA: "The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!"

So guys, my friends especially, Abdul Aziz B. Abdul Rahman to be precise, read this quote over and over again and you'll know what I mean.

And I must say that to all my friends that managed to get their hands on any scholarships, I am deeply happy for you too. And guess what, I am also quite proud of you guys too. BUT, I must also admit that I am quite jealous...oh well, as House use to say...

HOUSE: "You can't always get what you want."

Anyway, my main problem for these past few months, for quite some while actually, is feelings towards the opposite sex a.k.a THOSE GREAT CREATURES CREATED BY GOD TO BE THAT MADE BOYS FEEL LIKE MEN!!! haha... I'm proud to say that, after 5 years of watching House, all them philosophies, all them thinkings, all them views on how House views life had been burried deep inside my heart, and my mind. Few incidents and actions from the past had successfully made me a true student on Houseology...haha.

But, as time goes by, I must also come to conclusion that I am also human and House is only a fictional character that was created to make a medical drama exciting. I....I....I....feel lonely as each passing day as I found it hard to trully believe those around me, I found it hard to accept smiles and good deeds from my friends and those around me towards me, and I don't know who to trust with my life and feelings.

Back at school, since form 2, I never believed in the existence of best friends anymore. I could never trust anyone anymore. I see everyone as hypocrites that are making the world a worse place to live in. I only see comedy and humour as a way to interact with others and keep this growing feeling inside me.

By form 3, I accept the fact that everyone is a hypocrite, including me. I was living a life which was a far-cry from what the Prophet Muhammad preached more than 2000 years ago. But I done no drugs, smoked no craps, and yes, I'm still a VIRGIN..haha. At this particular time, my testosterone hormones were working overtime. Girls were running riot in my mind. And the fact that my friends around me were coupling left, right and centre, I must admit that it got me curious. So, I tried to woo this girl. But this girl kinda like this other guy. Maybe it was only me but she kept on giving me mixed signals. One day I decided that she's a bitch who's aim is to spread AIDS through courtship so I changed my target to another girl. This girl was cute, and I think she realised that. This is because she almost seemed to be trying very hard to show the whole bloody class that she was cute. But I think my size kept her away from me...(damn bloody genes..haha) I was kinda angry but hey, watching House reminded me to not be faithful and hopeful as it is not worth it. After a week or two, I was back to my old self.

I must say that I was quite agitated, jealous and angry towards my friends, with some of them changing girlfriends with each passing month...haha. So, I gave it one last try and I targeted this girl. I don't know why but we were pretty great friends so I harbour little feelings towards her. But I still remember that particular day, after sawing her acting in a way that made me think that :" My God, this girl is classy, she's great, shy...and I think I'm in love.." haha...

And bla bla bla, bla bla bla bla...we were a couple. Bla bla bla bla bla....friendster...bla bla bla bla bla...chocolates..bla bla bla bla...messaging...bla bla bla bla...feeling happy...bla bla bla bla more chocolates and I think we were doing quite good as we lasted for 1 year. I don't know if she still remembers it but the day when we made it official was 040506 and the date it ended was 050607...haha. I must say that my first relationship, lasted for a BLOODY YEAR!!! haha.. The reason to why I wanted to leave her is because I think at that particular time is that, the fire was gone. Throughout that one year period, do you believe me when I say that we never, ever, EVER, went for a date....=_='..haha.

She was a great girl, one of the best that I ever met because throughout that one year period, we never hold each other's hands, we never walk close to each other, she never revealed her hair and the best part was, she never gave me dirty messages through the phone!!!! NEVER!!! haha... The fire was gone maybe because of those things that we never do. I was kinda like a wild child, staying up all night partying while she's the typical good girl next door who will never lie to her parents...and people say opposite attracts...celaka...haha.

In certain ways, I must say that she kinda changed me. She was this good angelic girl while I was covering my inner Satan with hypocritical acts. One day, she gave me a message through the phone that changed my life. After that message, I was, in certain ways, were much more connected to God if compared to the last 14 years that I was alive on this Earth. My House influences were reduced dramatically. I began to trust, I began to love, I began to view the world as a place that is not all doom and gloom.

But all good things must come to an end. Thinking back, it was pretty pathetic for me to trully believe that our long range relationship would work while grown-ups had tons of problems with their short range relationships...haha.. I was enrolled into SaSer in Seremban and the only ways for us to contact each other, was through messaging. And I think that was the biggest factor that put out the flames of passion between us...haha...

Oh, in form 4, many things happened. At that particular time, I was quite unsure with myself regarding my abilities because, that place was filled with people who are better if not as good as me. And of course, the introduction of Add Maths lakhnat...and Physics celaka weren't making things any good. And there, after my split with my first gf, I used to see House as a source of solving all my problems...that is his philosophies and thinkings of course. And by that, Houseology were back in me...haha. Oh, and that place were full with jackasses, assholes, and pussies in terms of how they act. I never see so much hypocrites in my life before. And because the environment is like that, and with my inner Houseolgy, I did pretty well to cope with most of the assholes there.

Enter form 5 and I was required to leave SaSer due to a medical complication....haha. Take this into record that I never liked the school, but I loved my classmates. Maybe I am being pathetic and dumb by saying that my classmates, were some of the best guys that I'd ever met. If you're thinking I'm lying, take into account that I'd already revealed this much, why should I lie so that I wouldn't hurt the feelings of some parties? haha...

So, I was dragged into JESS, Jalan Empat Secondary School in the middle of the year, around May or June. At this particular time, my Houseology were at its peak due to 2 years living in a pretty hostile place...haha. But I didn't walk back down that path of living as far away from God as experience taught me that, trying to live without God, is the stupidiest, moronic thing that one person can ever do. Atheist...ceh, tu semua sebab diorang ni insecure, trying to prove something in a way that many do not dare to do so just to show that they're special than others...BANGANG!!!

In JESS, the first few months were slow...I was thinking that maybe, my classmates were thinking me as a gay because I was coming from an all boys school. So one day, I decided to straighten up the record and after that, I must say that things were much better...celaka ar korang..haha. Oh, for the first few months, I was quite close with my Chinese friends... I knew a few of the guys in JESS, example Raja and Khairul Syakir. And all these other Malays, when they see me speaking and hanging out with them Chinese, they were like, "Dia ni melayu ke cina ni..." =_=' What the fuck la wey!!! haha... And after that, I think I managed to break through that barier with my new classmates..but I stayed away from the girls...and so do them...again because of my size..(DAMN BLOODY GENES...haha). And most probably, I feel a little bit strange and awkward in front of girls...sebab dah 1 and 1/2 years in an all boys environment...sounded so bloody gay right? haha...

Anyway, in my brief 5 months stint at JESS,I got the chance to meet and be friends with some pretty great guys; Azlan Latiff, Ramesh, Amir Fitri, Syukri, Lutfil, Hilman, Ekhlas, Aizat, and many more.. So sorry if I didn't mention your names... You guys know who you are, ya'll need no recognition...

Oh, and I meet some pretty great girls to, which I have great confidence in to being great women, fine wives, and a loving mother...right...haha. No la..just kidding...they're Faatimah, Munirah, Dayana, Miera, Shazni, Syadza, Fadhilah..and banyak lagi...

Lots of things happened during my 5 months there. Ada gerai PS2, ada pertandingan lawan tangan, ada menari2, ada videos, and of course...MICHAEL JACKSON!!! haha.I'll never forget that dance routine guys...seriously..haha. And don't know why, I started to like a few of the girls in class. It's normal right? But my definiton of liking is that I feel so attracted to that person that it makes me fantasize constantly about her...not that typical I love you and I wanna couple with you stuff. That's plain boring...haha.. But hey, past experience told me that these things aren't so significant. Add Maths on the other hand, is a bigger pain in the ass...

Oh, and the class, especialy the girls, thought that me loving House so bloody much into a form of fanaticsm, is a bad and weird thing... I say, with all those Korean dramas and Japanese anime running aroung, you guys don't hear me complaining right? haha...

This 5 Dinamik in many ways are pretty much the same like my 4 and 5 Sigma. Minus the girls and the coupling of course...haha. If I had to choose, of course I'll choose no one and stay on the fence...haha. And staying in JESS gave me a new experience that is racial intergration. I never racially abused anyone in SaSer and with the opportunity presenting itself in the form of Ramesh, hell yeah I took it pretty well down with my stride...haha..kesian ramesh...but he's immune to it by now...GO HINDRAF!!!! Oh, and I have this ability to be Chinese by day, Malay by evening, and Indian by night. The perfect MALAYSIAN!!!...haha.

My point being, for these past 5 years, Houseolgy saved me from the many disappoinments experienced by teens the same age with me. But my mistake was that I tried so hard to be like him, in the same fact that he's an atheist. I thought that it was possible to live without God but the big man upstairs proved me wrong. And I also realised that 18 year old logic, and 15 year old logic, we'll be much safer with 18 year old logic. I'm looking forward with my life ahead as now I realised that, the past won't matter as much as the present or the future. And to all my friends, which still remembers my definiton of "friend", good luck to all of you. Let's see sape leh dapat lagi banyak anak...haha..

With that ladies and gentlemen, I finished my first 8th blog entry in my life...haha.