Words.

People tend to say a particular thing which will then come with different interpretations when asked for justification or reasoning to compliment the moment of asking and their feelings with minimum fuss.

And don't worry this is not a post to bash a particular people or anything. It's just an accumulation of feelings regarding events that happened since my last entry.

2 years is a long time don't you think? It's funny how, correct me if I'm wrong, you were trying to just erase or force yourself to blank-out those feelings and memories like it didn't matter. Like you're trying to start fresh and new and treat what had happened as a mistake. Sincerely I do hope it's a lot more complicated than that.

Words.

Everything that I heard, it came from a sincere intend to amend things. From how you put it, trying to start new. I listened attentively, as always, because I thought that's what people are supposed to do when someone's talking to them. Judgemental? I'll admit that it's my fault and I'm sorry. But it's my second nature and my main aim was always to have your best interest at heart. Like a good, caring special friend should.

Early.

Too early. Not ready. Focus on yourself. At least that's what you told me. And even though I'm 30% against it, my other 70% said that I have no business whatsoever and I should support you, like a good, caring special friend should.

Comparison.

To be frank I'm sad. Disappointed. At least compare between apples. Not between apples and oranges. That hurt me much. As if mine's didn't matter and it was nothing. If you put it that way, how are mines supposed to matter to start with? Level out the playing field. Make it fair for me. Please? Like a good, caring  special friend should?

Hate.

Let this be clear. My sadness and disappointment never manifested into hatred. You too know that I'm not that type of guy. Besides, your best interest at heart were always my main motivation for my actions. There were problems at the start but after realisation, memories and goodwill are far greater motivations for me to do it one last time for you, like a good, caring special friend should.

Easy.

I do hope that things are getting easier for you than it is for me. Because by then I'll know that you're doing fine and judging on what had happened, it indeed seems like it is easier for you. I'm genuinely happy. A little bit of sadness but overall I'm happy if its true, like a good, caring special friend should.

Privileges.

What do you mean not granted much privileges? 

Homesexuals. Something to fear? I don't think so.

This post is not about being a homophobe. I'm not a homophobe. At least I think I'm not because I never encountered a real living breathing male or female homosexual before.

That begs the question, am I being my usual self that is always being afraid of the unknown? How could I be sure regarding my stance about homosexuals when I never even met one before to start with.

Why I'm touching this subject matter now is because there are sources saying Malaysia's possible future Prime Minister stand regarding homosexuality and quoting him as saying "we will have to review some of our archaic laws."


To the neutrals or maybe those who are indeed homosexuals, to you lot I now maybe moving myself towards the category of being a homophobe. But, my friends thus far are of different cultural, religious, social, and economical backgrounds. If I could get past these variables that weighs more than someone's sexual orientation when determining friendships and acquaintanceship, I could half-heartedly say that I am indeed ok having friends that are indeed homosexuals.

The only reason to why I'm not sure on how I will react towards homosexuals is because I never met one before. But my intentions are, when I do finally meet one, that I will treat him the same like any of my friends or acquaintances.


So what if he's homosexual, loves cars, have good sense of humour, and plays video games and football? I don't think it would be a problem for us to be friends and hang out.


So what if she's homosexual, loves shopping, a good cook, educated and loves Twilight? I'm quite sure that it won't be a problem for me to be friends with her. And judging by how pathetic I am with girls, I must say that I could develop a crush on her. Heh.

I guess all these fears are coming from mainstream media feeding us these ideas that homosexuals act differently from their non-homosexuals counterparts like guys will be all soft and woman-like and girls will be all man-like(?). This could be stereotypical but I'm sorry because that was how I was exposed since young that homosexuals tend to act or be like that.


Personally if I could, I would not let the laws in Malaysia to be changed to accommodate homosexuals and transsexuals in Malaysia.


I'm a god fearing guy and I'm the first one to admit that I will and had messed up more times than you could imagine. But I know my limits and according to the guidelines, men were made for women and women were made for men. Anything remotely straying away from that well written and well documented line is considered a major sin. From my humble views, anything that is sinful is a problem.

Malaysia, not to put it through the eyes of cynics, doom merchants and pessimists, is already a beautiful place laden with problems. I love my country and I don't want her to bring upon herself another problem that she doesn't deserve.

Some people say that homosexuals are born with it but I would like to humbly refute this point. If we are indeed born with it, why is the world population kept on growing year by year?


Projections depict that the world went on a steady inclination of inhabitants from the 1800s right up till the 1920s. Sure you can say medical and technological advances were made but the bottom line still remains that you need sperm(s) and ovum(s) to create new human(s). This proves that homosexuality is a choice and not something you're born with.

What do you think would happen if the first few humans follow this urge to become homosexuals? Wouldn't we be extinct by now? So you're saying it's not fair then? Why you and not someone else if you think being a homosexual is a "bad" thing.


Life's not fair.


Believe me if I could, right now, I would go on and buy myself a piece of bacon to know what and how it tastes like.


If I could I would go buy myself a glass of French wine to know what and how it tastes like.

If I could I would go and have myself an orgy with at least 5 women to know what and how they taste like. Heh. :D

Don't you think it's not fair for me to not being able to have none of those except only to copulate with one woman, up till 4 God's willings, but only one at a single time, for the rest of my life? Haha. Life's not fair. I get you. Just move on with it because that's how I see God tests us.


With temptations, decisions and tribulations.


And I'm not bashing homosexuals. I'm just trying to prove my point that homosexuality is a choice, not something you're born with.


To me, I would like to humbly state that homosexuality is a sin. I'm sorry if it offends you. I believe in the Afterlife and I'm still way behind in terms of preparing myself for that ultimate destination. And I do believe in prevention is better than cure.


I believe in the concept of heaven and hell and I don't want to wake up one day knowing even one of my children telling me that he or she is a homosexual. That would just eat me up. Tear me up inside and just kills me.

Please, anywhere but Malaysia. 

Alone.

Alone. By yourself. On your own.

And don't worry. This is not some dark, emo anti-social post rejecting humanity.

Is it really a bad stuff being all of the aforementioned words? Had modern society managed to change its citizens into being unable to live on their own? Had we descended, or ascended into being beings that are depending, like 80% of their day, on social interactions?

And without it will we be lost? Incomplete? Insignificant?

Most of us, our first love with (online) social networking is Friendster. Then dawned the age of Myspace and when that came to an abrupt halt due to the emergence of Facebook, Google+ is now, still trying hard to dethrone it from its peak.

What is (online) social networking actually? By chatting in the prepared chat box, or commenting on pictures or posting on your friends wall, does it counts as socializing? Is it really that effortless and mundane? I don't know about you but the only conversations that are at the back of my mind through these mediums are the ones that happened at most 2 days ago, unless I go check it up on my wall of course.

I'm not saying it is bad because I also log into Facebook almost everyday and will let my homepage set on idle almost as long as I'm awake.

Maybe because I like the fact Facebook is everything mashed into one; the romance of its simplicity and wholeness that makes it so important in our daily lives.

But.

But after reading a particular article about being alone; the art and importance of being alone, I came into fruition that it could be some of the free daily importance that some of us never get to appreciate and practice because we are too occupied with everything else.

The only time we make time to think about ourselves is when something good or bad is happening.

Think about it. When was the last time you spent at least 20 minutes thinking about what you want for yourselves or from yourselves? When was the last time you spend at least 5 minutes thinking about reasons, motives, or consequences?

I'm not saying you should spend 5 minutes to think whether you should open a particular door to get to the other side.

I'm saying you should spend some Me time.

How about try to learn that particular recipe that you had always wanted to so that you could cook yourselves something nice and pretty every now and then?

How about try to learn how to play that particular musical instrument that you always wanted so that you could in the future find free ways to amuse yourselves?

How about try to get in shape or at least lose a few pounds so that whenever the next time you look at yourselves in the mirror, you will feel better about yourselves and about your body?

You could surprise yourselves from many different perspectives with your achievements and your results.

Too much of a hassle?

How about going outside and sit on a stool, in a park, next to a road just looking at things? A tree, a building, other people, a cat, a dog, the sky or even the ground.

Still fond of your calories?

Just lie in bed and look at the ceiling.

Some say that it's day dreaming and is it a bad thing, day dreaming?  At most it will let you have a nap and if you fall asleep for 2-3 hours straight it means that you're not having enough sleep at night and your sleep cycle is screwed.

My definite and explicit point, it is really sad to realise that you are in a place of being needy almost 80% of the time. The extend of always wanting to have someone there "just in case" just for the sake of not wanting to get lonely is pathetic and verging on vanity; you're too afraid of everything.

Stop thinking about others already. Be selfish. The only thing you'll get by always wanting to have someone to talk to is rapid 5 second intervals shots of alertness.